meaning making

Apr 16

Dear Reader,

A client told me recently that her childhood was hard, and she's spent most of her adult life trying to figure out what that means. Was it character building? Was it trauma she needs to heal from? Was it just what happened, with no larger significance attached? The question exhausts her because she's spent so long searching for the answer, as though there's one true interpretation hiding somewhere. What she's starting to realize in therapy is that meaning might be something she gets to create rather than uncover.

I've been noticing how often we do this. Something happens and almost immediately we're interpreting it. Your friend doesn't text back and suddenly you've decided they're angry with you. You don't get the job and the story becomes that you're not good enough. Someone compliments your work and you're already assuming they're just being polite. The thing that happened is just the thing that happened, but the meaning we attach to it is what we end up carrying.

Most of this happens without us thinking about it. We inherit meanings from our families, our past, the culture we grew up in. Someone who was criticized a lot as a kid hears feedback differently than someone who was encouraged. The same words land in completely different places depending on what meanings you've already built around being corrected.

What can change when you start noticing this is that you have some say in the story of your life. For example, your boss gives you critical feedback. The first meaning that shows up might be "I'm failing." But you could also read it as them investing in your growth, or as one specific thing needing adjustment. Same conversation, but the meaning you settle on changes what you do next.

The meanings we make shape the lives we live. Making meaning intentionally instead of automatically changes what becomes possible.

Yours in the journey,