permission to change your mind

Apr 30

Dear Reader,

I've been watching a client struggle with something that feels familiar. Years ago, she decided she wasn't the kind of person who could handle conflict. She built a life around that belief, chose relationships where things stayed smooth and she structured her work to avoid confrontation. The problem is she's starting to realize that belief isn't serving her anymore. She's capable of more than she gave herself credit for, but changing her mind about who she is feels like admitting she's been wrong about herself all along.

I think that maybe we hold onto old conclusions about ourselves longer than we should. At some point, often early, we decide something is true about who we are. I'm not creative. I'm not good with people. I need a lot of alone time. I can't handle uncertainty. These assessments might have been accurate once, or they might have just been survival strategies that helped us get through a specific season. Either way, we carry them forward as fixed truths about our identity.

The hard part is that changing your mind about yourself requires more than just deciding differently. It means letting go of a story you've been telling for years, and that story has shaped real choices. The relationships you're in, the work you do, the way you spend your time, all of it was built around a version of yourself that you're now outgrowing. Changing your mind means facing the possibility that you've been living smaller than necessary.

I do also think some things shouldn't change. Commitments you've made, vows that matter, people you've promised to show up for. Those deserve endurance even when it's hard. But the beliefs you hold about your own limitations, the narratives about what you're capable of or what you need to be happy, those aren't vows. You're allowed to outgrow them.

Living intentionally means being willing to see yourself clearly now, even when that means releasing who you thought you had to be. It means giving yourself permission to change your mind about your own story and then living into the person you're actually becoming.

Yours in the journey,