I know this sounds stupid, but…

Jun 11

Dear Reader,

In the therapy room, people often begin with a small apology. "I know this probably sounds stupid, but..." Before they have even told us what happened, they have already decided how it should be heard.

Many of us talk to ourselves this way too. A feeling shows up and we immediately decide whether it is acceptable. We tell ourselves we shouldn't be this upset, or that we have no real reason to be. The deciding happens so fast we barely notice it. By the time we are aware of the feeling at all, it has already been told it doesn't belong.

Non-judgement can sound complicated, like something reserved for meditation retreats. Really, it is simple. It means letting an experience be what it is for a moment before deciding what it says about us. Noticing "I'm anxious today" and stopping there, without adding "and that's ridiculous."

That small difference matters more than it seems. When we judge a feeling right away, we stop being curious about it. There is nothing left to learn from something we have already dismissed. The feeling doesn't go anywhere, either. It just goes quiet, and keeps influencing us from somewhere we can't see.

In sessions, when someone stops apologizing and simply says what is true for them, their shoulders often drop. The feeling that seemed so unreasonable usually makes sense once it has room to explain itself. It came from somewhere, and it is often trying to tell us something. It becomes much easier to hear once we stop arguing with it for existing.

Maybe that is all non-judgement really is: a willingness to look at something honestly before deciding what it means. Most things, it turns out, can bear being seen.

Yours in the journey,