the unfinished

Dear Reader,

There are things we call undecided that we have already decided. We just haven't said so yet, and keeping them in the undecided category is how we avoid having to.

I've watched this happen in session more times than I can count. Someone describes a situation they've been sitting with for a long time such as a relationship that isn't working, or a job that stopped fitting years ago, and when I ask what they're waiting for, there's typically a pause that tells me everything.

They already know.

They knew before they walked in the door. What they're doing by keeping it in the "still figuring it out" category is buying themselves more time before they have to live with what they know.

I believe this is one of the more human things we do. A real decision has weight to it, and weight has consequences, and consequences mean that something actually changes. Keeping something open postpones all of that. It lets us stay in a middle place where the situation is still technically unresolved and so we are not yet responsible for resolving it.

This week, it might be worth asking whether anything you're calling unfinished is actually undecided, or whether you already know and are just waiting for a better moment to say so. There may not be a better moment. There's only this one, and the version of you that already has the answer.

Yours in the journey,

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